Call the cops, I don’t give a fuck

I’ve often felt much the same way, although given that I’m often paying taxes, I would probably get screwed if I had to deal personally with the cops. This is in great contrast to those in the neighborhood who rack up 20 warrants before any laws are actually enforced upon them.

By the way, is that a llama wearing a Buddhist robe?

Fix your alarm before I “fix” your car

In the Venn Diagram of shitty cars/shitty alarms, you would probably find things to map out as exact concentric circles. It’s a mystery that a 2011 BMW 5 series has an alarm that you will never hear, yet a 1989 Honda Prelude with unpainted replacement body panels and bubbling window tinting will have one that even if you tape a house cat over each ear, you’ll still not be able to sleep through it.

All that said, guess the make and model of this gem we found in the TenderNob the other day. Amazingly enough, it wasn’t one of us who wrote that sign, because we fucking hate car alarms.

Call it fate, baby

And we bring you the latest installment of our almighty marquee board:

What some could not have escaped
others will find by decision
each we call fate
Jane Hirschfield

As if I wasn’t feeling like fate’s bitch enough lately. Thanks mucho for the reminder, KK.

If only I had friends to split one with…

At some point, I’ve probably unwittingly shared ex-girlfriends with other dudes because yeah, women are just as slutty as guys and not only if they’re French. But, the thought of sharing a cigar with someone, even if a friend, even if a smaller “cigarillo”, repulses the shit out of me. If I have the cigar, then it’s my cigar. There are no condoms for cigars and I don’t want your smokey lip funk mixing it up with my smokey lip funk. Get your own and smoke it by yourself.

Oh, and while you’re at it, cigarillo-maker, paste your classy ads somewhere more befitting, like the side of the New Century Theater. That’s the kind of place for those who want to split a bit of nasty lip funk, unlike the corner of Jones & Post where you just split a plate of Nasi Goreng at Borobudur.

Boat building for the broken hearted

I can’t count the number of times that I’ve had my heart broken in the past and thought, “fuck it, boat time”.

Is there life after death?

There have been maybe three hangovers in my life where I thought I was going to die. These all happened before I had heat stroke which made me really think that death was imminent. As I lay in bed for three days, often a smile would creep across my face and I’d wonder, “Is there life after death?” This was then followed by choking down more water, puking, and realizing that if there was indeed life after death, Elvis would still be on tour as well as the “good half” of the Beatles. I can find some degree of comfort in that.

Aspect Gallery scratch critique

Obviously one of the biggest passions of the fuck-faced in San Francisco is scratch tagging (or scribing) glass. The fact that these geniuses figure out what you need to scratch glass is always amazing to start with. But then their incredible tags like “pussi 4ever” and “dik shitz” blow my fucking mind.

Of course most of them have absolutely no clue where to go from there. While other aspiring vandals like Bansky, EINE, Shepard Fairey, and more figure out how to shift in to art, the scratch taggers typically are stuck running around town, scratching shit up as seen recently at Aspect Gallery on Polk. Of course, Aspect went one step further and offered up the above critique of the artistic skills that were ultimately not displayed (sadly). Starting with “totally lacking any artistic skills, vision or portfolio”. Ouch.

Kahn & Keville so beautiful

This go round, we’ve got Paul Simon’s wisdom up for a week or three:

Life is either
So beautiful
Or so what
I’m in the so beautiful camp

Personally, I’m waiting for the Graceland period quotes.

Kahn & Keville go Tao, lose an R and an N

The latest Kahn & Keville update dips in to the Tao with:

The ten thousand things
rise and fall on their own
and the superior person
is not distubed
Dow Te Chig

You might notice that “distubed” is missing R and that “Chig” is missing an N, but whatever, letters are in short supply these days. And in case you’re curious, there’s a lot of shit dealing with ten thousand things.

Kahn & Keville Break Down Innovation

Kahn & Keville’s latest sign is a quote popularized in a Malcolm Gladwell piece about the historical relationship between Apple & Xerox. A quote by a Microsoft exec, no less. The sign cuts out a couple of sentences, but the thrust remains. Full quotation:

“Innovation is an unruly thing. There will be some ideas that don’t get caught in your cup. But that’s not what the game is about. The game is what you catch, not what you spill.”

Wise words. Now where’s our jetpack and cars that fold into suitcases (goodbye SF parking supply problems)?!