Tenderloin microhood map update

The time has come to update the Tenderloin microhood map again. With 13,000 views, a solid call out, and some other events, things needed a little dusting off.

For instance, with the Koko closing, the Gimlet needed to have its western borders brought in a bit. The Hydeaway also takes a little chunk out of the Gimlet because well, it just feels right.

With great fanfare though, we’re happy to announce the establishment of Rental Row right smack in the middle of the Pandhandle. This momentous occasion has been brought to us by the throbbing thrust of tourist season and the fact you can rent from just about every major car company here at the corner of O’Farrell and Mason.

All hail Rental Row, our newest MiniTender and a fine, automotive addition to our fine neighborhood!

A Tenderloin of many microhoods

Today we mark two years of The Tender (yay!) Somewhere around a year ago we posted a poll asking how people defined the Tenderloin. That got a number of responses and it in turned spawned the MiniTenders. These were dandy and fine, but we’ve decided to one up it in a new, Tenderloin Neighborhood Map which we fully admit was inspired by the cartographic work over at Burrito Justice.

Sure, you may think some area isn’t where you think it’s supposed to be or you may think that we don’t know what we’re talking about. In cases such as these, there is the comment form below to suggest alterations and updates because unlike our previous mayor’s hair, this map isn’t set in stone.

So, click on the map and have fun with it. We’ll be curious to see what you guys come up with as it’s meant to be taken lightly, unlike burritos from the Castle Triangle

MiniTender: le Marché

It has been said that, “if you lost your suitcase, there is a good chance it can be found at Turk & Hyde”. This minihood that we are hereby calling, le Marché (as giving a French title to anything classes its ass up a bit) is typically the most wacky open air market anyone has ever seen (and I’m saying that after seeing the flea market that takes place under the main train tracks in Belgrade, Serbia). gdollub captures the randomness in a nice shot here. Of course, if you always wanted to haggle for a slightly-used hairbrush, original Nintendo accessories, and the finest of VHS offerings, this is the place for you. Let me emphasize that it differs a great deal from loinster sidewalk sales, such as this one, primarily in the fact that novelty dolls and futon mattresses are never part of the offer.

Whether you take it as conceptual art or your go-to (and very literal corner market) we should all hail the newest MiniTender of le Marché!

MiniTender: Tenderloin East

Just next to the heart of the Tenderloin sits this rather large microhood that was once known for its gambling houses and madame parlors, and which today contains the swanky shops, chain department stores and other retail establishments of the Tenderloin. Full of percussionists, performance artists and panhandlers to give visitors an authentic “taste” of San Francisco, this area has historically been a core part of the Tenderloin, being the terminus of the Powell Street Cable Car line that allowed the hoit and the toit up on the hills easy access to the entertainment on offer in the Tenderloin.

While Union Square is often confused as being a “neighborhood”, this enjoyable Tenderloin East park is an excellent place to go to people watch during San Francisco’s endless summers winters late-autumns. Tenderloin East also acts as a wonderful transitional neighborhood in to the high rise zaniness of the Financial District. Additionally, it’s the home of the high society magazine, 7×7 who are one of the greater Tenderloin’s most prolific publications and ad outlets.

All hail the MiniTender of Tenderloin East!

MiniTender: The NakedHood

Strip clubs. Where would lonely men, bachelor parties, girls with daddy issues, and hipster chicks searching for “street cred” be without them?

While the vastest offer of Al Bundy’s famed “nudie bars” are up on Broadway in North Beach, we still manage to hold our own down (or let it all hang out depending on your viewpoint) here in the Loin with the Mitchell Brothers O’Farrell Theatre and the New Century Theater. These two establishments lustfully frame in the unfortunately-positioned Sergeant John Macaulay Park to pitch their offer of Dildo Wars and Wild Girls to children and moms alike.

Despite the wrapping of this playground park and debate over whether it’s “theatre” or “theater”, the close proximity of these two strip clubs to one another allows those on the midnight prowl to observe girls, girls, girls on different stages, in different buildings, all within one block. Also, for all you tastefully classy patrons out there, when rolling for a drink, there is the lovely strip of the Gimlet a block up on Geary, not to mention never-ending stretch of dive bars withing easy swallow of both the Mitchell and New Century. For those looking to accessorize, there’s Frenchy’s and just to cater to make that everyone’s taste is accounted for, The Gulch rounds out the offer just two blocks up the road from Mitchell Brothers.

All hail the MiniTender of The NakedHood!

MiniTender: The Bar

Today we announce our newest micro hood, “The Bar”. Contrary to what you might think, this has nothing to do with boozing up. It is in fact that area where UC Hastings sits with buildings at 100 McAllister St., 198 McAllister St., and 200 McAllister St. The influx of law students in this spot and the proximity to City Hall and the courts (which was stipulated in the law school’s founding) ensures a flow of lawyers who are both above and below the bar, making for what is probably one of our most legally-charged areas in the entire city. And the businesses all around this area, despite the constant threat of possible liability lawsuits, heavily cater to the populace of this block and a half.

All hail the MiniTender of The Bar!

MiniTender: The Gimlet

It’s like a bullet flying out of the gun shot by a dame you shouldn’t have trusted. Heading westward from Jones to Van Ness is a new microhood in the Tenderloin we’re dubbing, “The Gimlet”. While the Loin is well-known for being a verdant booze oasis, there has been something of a liquor renaissance along this hallowed corridor known to most as “38 Boulevard” or the “Look at my striped shirt! District”.

Don’t get us wrong, there are plenty of quite lovable watering holes such as High Tide, The Ambassador, RJ’s, The Geary Club, Outsiders, and Edinburgh Castle to name a few. But in between these are spots that aspire to the all too trendy drink craft and mixology that’s sweeping the city. Naturally, the difference with spots such as Koko Cocktails, Whiskey Thieves, Rye, and (just round the way on Geary) Bourbon & Branch is that they serve up some tasty drinks without the bitter twinge of bullshit, especially in our unabashedly blatant favorite, Koko.

But why “The Gimlet” for this MiniTender? Many reasons, such as the obvious one that it’s the name of a cocktail and cocktails are here aplenty. Then of course it’s a drink loved in the world of hardboiled noir, which Dashiell Hammett had the good sense to have some of his works take place not only in SF, but also in the Tenderloin. The Gimlet is mentioned and was basically made famous by Raymond Chandler’s novels as well. But probably more than anything both Geary and Gimlet start with the letter G, which allows anyone completely drunk the ability to remember this chunk of town when catching a cab/walking it off.

All hail the MiniTender of The Gimlet!

>Update 10/5

To honor this (somewhat controversial) MiniTender, the awesome folks at Koko Cocktails (we can’t praise them enough, I hope y’all have been there already) are going to have a special Gimlet Tuesday tonight. Which means they’ll have a mystery gimlet (to be determined at 5 pm) for only $4. We’re so there!

MiniTenders: Bite-sized Tenderloin microhoods

Did you ever think, “Garsh, the Loin is so darned big. When is somebody ever going to break it down in to chunks that are easier to understand?” Well, imaginary atypical reader from the Ozarks, you are now in luck as we present MiniTenders. Not to be confused with this banking jargon MiniTenders are going to be for when we want to feature small, completely made up neighborhoods that we think deserve official (meaning listed-in-this-blog “official”) designation.

You might think this is stupid, but hey SF loves its neighborhoods. You might not agree with what we make up in which case comment away. But more importantly, you might think that you know of a better microhood. By all means, freakin’ suggest it.

The evolving, non-definitive MiniTender Listing:

MiniTender: The Castle Triangle

So, here we have a conundrum in that within a very small radius, we have three Mexican joints and they all have some variation of the Spanish word for “castle” in the name whether it be “castillo” or the diminutive, “castillito”. And no, they’re apparently not owned by the same people. Someone out there probably knows who the original was, but as it sits, we have Taqueria Castillo B at 86 McAllister St.

Then there’s El Castillito Taqueria at 250 Golden Gate Ave. This is of course Home of the $0.99 taco which might ply well with those who miss trips to Tijuana.

Lastly there is Taqueria el Castillito at 370 Golden Gate Ave. Here we have the home of “jugos naturales” or “natural juices” for those who… I have no idea… like juices that are natural?

The end result is something out of the Twilight Zone as you can walk in to one joint that says Castillito on the front and think, “Hmm, not quite how I remember, but still divey enough that it’s probably the spot.” There’s a lot of randomness that happens in this isosceles pointed hood, such as when we went to El Castillito Taqueria thinking that it was Taqueria el Castillito. We asked them if they had remodeled and they said that they had. We went along with it until we walked up the street and saw Taqueria el Castillito by Morty’s. That threw us for a loop. Of course the end result was still delicious:

All hail the MiniTender of The Castle Triangle!