As I don’t have children, I’m happy to say that I’ve only been puked on once in my life. I was going to an interview at Yelp’s old office (not to work at Yelp, who are ass, but another company there) at Mission & Third when some down-and-out woman hurled all over the ground with some of it splattering on my shoes. Thankfully, once in the office, Yelp CEO, Jeremy Stoppleman’s idiot Vizsla licked off my shoes and gave a rather copacetic balance to everything.

Keeping that in mind, I find that you have passed in to adulthood when a) you are able to buy condoms without giggling and b) understand alcohol. In that later one I mean that 1) you know what your limit on drinking is, 2) have grown enough of a pair to hold in the urge to hurl if you’ve passed the limit and suck up the hangover the next day, or 3) if you just can’t handle it, that you realize human beings puke in the gutter, not on the side of someone’s building.

To come up short on this shows what a feral little idiot you might be as I see that summer is now over and we are to again welcome to the newest crop of Art Academy larvae to the neighborhood.