There is an element to PETA that I approve of which is namely having hot, famous chicks pose naked for campaigns. I don’t really know what those campaigns are for, but I don’t much care. These are good-looking naked chicks and we’re better off for it.

Now, reported in what I pray must be an early April Fool’s joke, they want San Francisco to change the name of the Tenderloin as it conjures up images of meat, tasty, tasty meat. Damned right it does and it should. This is the meatiest chunk of San Francisco and I’m sorry, but changing it to the “Tempeh District” would force me to get a Subaru Outback, have a son named “Colton”, and move to Marin because I would freak the hell out.

I love the fact that Tracy Reiman, who lives in Pasadena (although I’m sure she drives a Prius) has to explain WTF tempeh is. If you had a hippie mom like mine, you know what it is and you’re scarred by it because a) it’s not meat and b) it’s ass. Naturally, she might be aware of this so she suggests, “If Tempeh doesn’t excite you, how about Granola Flats or Seitan’s Lair? You could even run a contest to choose a veggie moniker.” Yeah, I got your contest right here and you know what the vote is: Tenderloin. Contest finished.

Besides the general stupidity of this attention-whoring stunt, there’s also the fact that Randy Shaw worked long and hard to get “Uptown Tenderloin District” to be the official name. It’s actually the case that in old timey days, people would say they were going “Uptown” or to the “Tenderloin” and never “Uptown Tenderloin” which is totally wrong, but at this point, that name is cast in bronze and it ain’t ever gonna come out. So PETA, suck it. Would you like me to pass the sprouts?