I know we all feel a bit under the weather. Heck, it hasn’t been this cold in San Francisco since the stone age (or, 19th century). But this is no reason to abandon proper manners. So let us lay out two very important ground rules:
These umbrella things, they are dangerous, in the hands of some they should require a weapons permit. If you are small, or rather if there are taller people than you, watch where the @#* you point that thing! For God’s sake, these things have very pointy tips, and I am not just talking “pointy” pointy I rather mean “I @#* lose my eye if you poke that thing” pointy! So please, TenderReaders and inhabitants of this city of ours, look around you. Don’t kill your neighbors.
There are, as probably everyone is aware, tactics to not drown during a soggy walk through the city, even without one of those weapons. And one of the key ingredients is the area of the sidewalk directly next to the buildings. In these sacred spaces, less rain falls on our weary heads. But why the @#* are they constantly being blocked by people who have umbrellas? I mean, this is like being obese and stealing food from the hungry. And not only that, but why, out of some deranged reason do those people insist that they should not be the ones to let the other pass through this safe zone! So please, for the sake of those of us who are saddened to have left the house without an umbrella (I know, I know, I should have checked the weather forecast in the morning…) make way and leave us this sacred passage, to free us from our suffering.