Strip clubs. Where would lonely men, bachelor parties, girls with daddy issues, and hipster chicks searching for “street cred” be without them?

While the vastest offer of Al Bundy’s famed “nudie bars” are up on Broadway in North Beach, we still manage to hold our own down (or let it all hang out depending on your viewpoint) here in the Loin with the Mitchell Brothers O’Farrell Theatre and the New Century Theater. These two establishments lustfully frame in the unfortunately-positioned Sergeant John Macaulay Park to pitch their offer of Dildo Wars and Wild Girls to children and moms alike.

Despite the wrapping of this playground park and debate over whether it’s “theatre” or “theater”, the close proximity of these two strip clubs to one another allows those on the midnight prowl to observe girls, girls, girls on different stages, in different buildings, all within one block. Also, for all you tastefully classy patrons out there, when rolling for a drink, there is the lovely strip of the Gimlet a block up on Geary, not to mention never-ending stretch of dive bars withing easy swallow of both the Mitchell and New Century. For those looking to accessorize, there’s Frenchy’s and just to cater to make that everyone’s taste is accounted for, The Gulch rounds out the offer just two blocks up the road from Mitchell Brothers.

All hail the MiniTender of The NakedHood!