Our fine country is unfortunately in two, most probably un-winnable wars. The cost of lives to our troops have been in the thousands. The cost of lives and destruction on the ground in Afghanistan and Iraq is immeasurable. Thankfully, despite the foreign wars that are like so totally boring because they’ve going on for like a decade or something, fine local smut purveyor, the New Century Theater is bringing us Dildo Wars!

I’m at a bit of loss as to whatever the girls fight to the death or not, but apparently it is live girl-on-girl action from 12AM-2AM so yeah, you’ve got a couple of hours to nice and liquored up and then see this fine, fine act for all its glory. Just $10 (or maybe $18 with the clever font) and you are so totally in, ready to forget all your problems until you come out and remember that they’re actually much much worse than you thought before witnessing Dildo Wars in person.