A hometown friend of mine and I were joking that we should start up a company called, Human Safaris™ to take packs of over privileged white hipsters from the Mission up to our crappy hick hometown in Northern California so that they could taste how the other half lives. See what a real dive bar smells like! (Nobody drinks PBR there by the way). Experience the inside of a double wide in a trailer park! Try and buy non-Chinese Organic foods at a Walmart! Be able to walk under lifted 4x4s! Watch the 1st of the month “Parade”! We meant it all as a joke, but it appears someone took the idea, flipped it around and ran with it in the Loin.

The big buzz about Blog Land has been the LoinTours being proposed. From what I recall, the idea has been around for some time, but naturally, it was in the New York Times so suddenly it gets called news despite the fact that they continue to allow Nicholas Kristof to write his wickedly inaccurate and moronic articles there. So it goes.

There is so much swirling around about this that I don’t really know which side/angle/drink to take. At first I thought I was going to hate the Times article, but that was okay. It was just reporting what had been said. Then I thought I’d go after what Bronstein said. I mean, after all, in my one and only encounter with him at a party, he was a serious ass (surprisingly Sharon was nice), so I thought it’d be easy to hate what he wrote about the Loin. Sadly, I agree with it and can’t really be at fault with anything. Maybe Ms. Stone made him the tough guy in the relationship. He is quite muscly.

But then evarels fed me this Broke-Ass Stuart article. Fantastic… So, let’s get one thing straight, I don’t like Stuart. I think he’s banal, overblown, and just a general ass as most hipsters in the Mission are wont to be. In short, his article is garbage and it’s the reason that we started this blog because basically, the fact that his Mission on/off facial hair relationship is pulling a “my rough inner city ghetto that gives me my supposed street cred is so much better than your rough inner city ghetto” crap annoys me to no end.

There is nothing new said in his article and it’s just a series of cheap, very generic potshots at my neighborhood*. I will not say that these don’t exist by any means, but the fact stands that there is a lot of history in this district and it’s more than just good Asian restaurants. Oh, those good Asian restaurants are due to the fact that Asian families live in the area and it’s one of the few areas with actual kids in it and it feels a lot more real than say Pacific Heights which looks abandoned after sundown. Oh yeah, there’s also the Asian Art Museum there as well as the main SF Public Library. Sure, you can say those are Civic Center, but to me, it’s really all the Loin given that a great many of the residents sleep at Civic Center at night.

But back to the actual idea of the tours because if you’ve read this far you must have some kind of vested interest (or all your Facebook/Twitter friends are at lunch). It sorta seems like a decent idea at first, but then there’s that cringe factor that creeps up my leg in response to it. It’s a lot like the Township tours in Johannesburg or a German guidebook to a Roma camp in Belgrade. Tours of poverty (rephrased as “grittiness” in some attempt at being politically correct) are scummy. There’s a reason that aspects of them are big in South Africa and Germany as it seems that in places where white supremacists were/are big, they love that shit. It’s like going to a human zoo for them. This of course fits in line with how they view anyone not white. Rather shocking that it’d be tried in San Francisco.

And no, it will do little for business. Same thing unintentionally happened before with tour buses stopping to show folks [probably named] Pam & Tom Wooster from Iowa just how gay things were in the Castro by parking at the top of the district for a couple of quick, pandering Pride Flag photos and thus confirming that they did indeed had to vote McCain/Palin in 2008. I mean, while we’re on the topic, why not have MarinaTours? People could go up to the Marina on a Sunday afternoon and observe drunken yuppies (whether from the North Bay or still in SF.) They could watch as the guys in polo shirts hit on the waitresses and the women with fake tits and showing roots hit on the waiters. No, it’s always gotta be what’s considered the fringe elements of a society. There’s something wrong with us if we really think these kinds of things are in any way good.

* That pic under “People Passed out in Very Uncomfortable Positions” isn’t even from the US let alone the Loin. It’s kinda obvious given that the license plates aren’t US plates. Sure, on the rare chance I have a car, I drive in the middle lane up Leavenworth because these kinds of things can happen, but at least find a pic from the US to illustrate it, Stuart.